what is feeling?

"staring into someone's eyes and wondering why they stare back at yours."

"hearing a voice over the phone and attempting to explain the strange sweetness it conveys."

"brushing someone's arm and falling into the dilemma of restraining yourself from plotting to reconstruct that scenario again even when it felt so damn good."

"smiling yourself silly without ever stopping to wonder why."

"that subconscious effort to talk about stuff other than yourself, to especially focus on stuff to do with that someone."

"walking and walking and walking... without ever feeling it."

"vulnerability that doesn't get abused."

"time well spent."

...and so you see, for someone attempting to deconstruct feelings, it's still impossible to escape its infinite grasp. indeed, it's almost like the more you attempt to distance yourself, the closer it breathes down your throbbing neck. feelings do not care if you understand them or not... they just go ahead and happen. it's like rain... you don't know it's started till it hits you.

so... why this rush of quixotic emotion? if only i had a handle on this situation... yet strangely i don't consider myself lost - in fact i feel like i've found myself, somewhat? my existence continues to confound me in the weirdest manners possible (as the reason in my head would have it).

now that something within me has been laid so utterly bare... what next? should i prepare to apprehend these fleeting ghosts of reality experienced? should i embolden myself for some affirmative action? shoud i consider embracing myself for some devastating aftershocks? i do not wish to pursue clairvoyance, but how i wish i knew what lies ahead.

i guess i should wait.