form, essence, cause.

i like complaining when people seem fixated on the exterior. perhaps because it makes me seem slightly wiser, a less skin-deep person interested in what lies underneath. perhaps this is the impression i'm attempting to create for myself, so that my own exterior becomes more attractive.

therein lies a certain question, very primal in nature: why is there an exterior? what makes up the form? does this "exterior form" have anything to do with what lies beneath?

this is one reason why those who are concerned about appearances find it hard to swallow when someone like me tries to ignore the exterior - while i may geniunely be trying to "go deeper", i have also managed to ignore the link between the exterior and the interior.

no form is completely without essence - indeed, some kind of essence must exist in advance to cause the form to appear at the surface. just like every bubble that pops on the surface of a pond tends to have some underlying source, be it biological, chemical or geological.

of course, this does not mean that all types of concern for the exterior is legitimate or acceptable - there may be many different causes for those concerns. some are more acceptable: i want to satisfy my spouse, i want my appearance to bring joy to others, i want to look presentable. others are less acceptable: i want others to think well of me, i want to seduce someone, i want all eyes on me. there may be no straightforward manner of grading the "level of acceptability" these various concern-causes; it seems largely quite a subjective matter at first glance. one would need to apply some manner of moral system to begin such comparisons.

evidently, not all these causes may represent the very essence of a person yet - causal chains can go quite long before the essence is reached. how can one tell if a certain stated reason is the root cause? well, without proper contextual clues, it's probably quite difficult, if not impossible, to be certain.

hence we learn that passing judgement is not good practice. the reason is very simple: we can't be sure most of the time, what someone's causal chain is for connecting a certain form to part of that person's essence. if one can't be sure, then will not the judgement be unfair? if it is unfair, then why judge?

one possible exception does exist. for your own person, it is much more possible to understand the causal chains - you set them up, after all. of course, there are times when even our own reasons have become fuzzy, and that is when we need to sit down and reflect - to clarify our own internal moral systems which we want to subscribe to. ultimately, you're usually still the best person to judge yourself, precluding supernatural powers.

yet, a few conclusions can still be made. for one, most exterior forms have a proper causal chain connecting it to a certain essence - though sometimes what appears to be some "essence" really may be a further front that conceals some other deeper essence. therefore, it is not fair for me to completely discount the validity of forms in general, since some may firmly be connected to real essences.

a cynical disenchantment with appearances is also an unfair judgement.

what's with the music?

Komm, Susser Tod
by Arianne

I know, I know I've let you down,
I've been a fool to myself.
I thought that I could live for no one else,
But now, through all the hurt and pain,
It's time for me to respect.
The ones you love mean more than anything.

So with sadness in my heart,
I feel the best thing I could do,
Is end it all, and leave forever.
What's done is done, it feels so bad,
What once was happy now is sad.
I'll never love again - my world is ending.

I wish that I could turn back time,
'Cause now the guilt is all mine.
Can't live without the trust from those you love.
I know we can't forget the past,
You can't forget love and pride.
Because of that, it's killing me inside.

It all returns to nothing,
It all comes tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down.
It all returns to nothing,
I just keep letting me down, letting me down, letting me down.

In my heart of hearts,
I know that I could never love again.
I've lost everything... Everything...
Everything that matters to me matters in this world.

this song is played at the climax of The End of Evangelion - when everything gets 'destroyed'. it's songs like these that comes to my head when i realise i simply can't find it within myself to finish an essay on a sunday.

more music for the mood

Some say love it is a river that drowns the tender reed
Some say love it is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love it is a hunger an endless aching need
I say love it is a flower and you its only seed

It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely and the road has been too long
And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun's love in the spring becomes the rose

Bette Midler, anyone? this song (The Rose) was one of those played during that showing of JP2's The Jeweler's Shop at Jubilee Hall - truly lyrics for the tear ducts.

music of the mood

a fantastic jazz rendition of a Sinatra classic by Jamie Cullum...

in the wee small hours of the morning
when the whole wide world is fast asleep
you lie awake thinking of the girl
never even think of counting sheep

when your lonely heart has learnt its lesson
you'd be hers if only she would call
in the wee small hours of the morning
that's the time i miss her most of all

You Should Be an Artist

You are incredibly creative, spontaneous, and unique. No one can guess what you're going to do next, but it's usually something amazing. You can't deal with routine, rules, or structure. You're easily bored. As long as you are able to innovate and break the rules, you are extremely successful. You do best when you: - Can work by yourself - Can express your personality in your work You would also be a good journalist or actor.

What Should You Be When You Grow Up?

i completely do not believe in BlogThings... but since alexis managed to get Social Worker, thought this one might be fun to do - turns out it's merely based on what image you choose... sighs.

i doubt i work well by myself. besides, how can an actor work alone? i'm quite a bad actor anyways - i can't lie well. and i might make a good journalist... in a country where you won't get sued the pants off of ya.

back to work, then.