the paranoia of the narrow viewpoint

no one likes to be squeezed... and the only thing worse than being squeezed is the strange feeling that you are being squeezed when all your senses tell you that you are not. insecurity and lack of control are two potent emotions with hardly any warning signs - until it is too late.

when one is incapable of seeing (or meta-seeing!) that one's view is reduced, paranoia sets in with relative ease. with paranoia, nothing seems what they are meant to be. everyone seems to be staring at you. the baby in a pram is judging you. the pillars are mocking you in unison. the tiles are passing beneath your feet disgusted. nobody is on your side; the world was created to torture you. suddenly, all is but loneliness, and everything is wrong. you either sink into panic, delusion, depression, or you become a fanatic for non-existent causes, maniacal. paranoia is the prelude to many clinical definitions of madness.

and paranoia may already have you. how would you know? when was the last time you took stock? perhaps the new bag you bought is a wrong colour. you're not standing straight enough. you feel the bus driver's glare when you tap your ezlink. there's always a cockroach hiding behind the cupboard door.

we have narrowed our senses. things no longer seem what they are not because we are trying to understand them at a deeper level, but because we don't understand what "a deeper level" means. we second guess ourselves at every opportunity, undermining our very concept of order, simply to escape the feeling that our senses are narrow. it is at once an impetus for proactivity while stifling rational progress.

so far so good... except... that i myself may be paranoid.