the lesson of the roach

why do you kill roaches? why, when u see one, u just erupt in disgust and wish all roaches were exterminated? what did the roach do? what is really so disgusting abt a roach? can they really be eliminated?

is this how you treat life?

today was a day of enlightenment for me. i've learnt much abt life... abt frustration and cynicism... abt action and reaction... abt faith, hope and love.

i must be gentle. i must be less caustic. i must have more faith in God's creation. i must adapt myself more to the ever-changing world. i must love... not like i want to, but like Christ did.

but when he said "greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." did he mean that we should all die for one another? perhaps all we need to do is carry our crosses, helping our friends along the way, for all our life? perhaps he meant that we are to put our gifts in service for all our friends? the idea... had always been to change oneself, not for the sake of change, but for the sake of others. if it takes one's entire life to change oneself for the sake of others, then that is what his or her life is for - self-renewal. the only time we may stop bettering ourselves is when we've becoming Christ-like in every way... and then we'd be in heaven.

is sociology getting to me in ways that have changed my behaviour? is deconstruction telling me that all social norms are there for the breaking? can i ignore the rules of behaviour simply because i claim to have deconstructed them? what about those who haven't deconstructed them? am i allowed to say that these are inferior beings who are under-enlightened? who am i to pass such judgment? why should deconstruction bring me such status? is there a better way to reach out to those whom i deem slaves to the establishment? will accusing them and wounding their pride do any more than spark new wars? would i then have the resources to fight at every new front i create? is it acceptable to throw order aside for the sake of clarity and understanding? whose order? whose clarity? whose understanding? am i learning for the betterment of society or so that i can curse it in more ways? am i learning how to understand human nature so that i can use that knowledge to help others or so that i can pervert it? what is the purpose of living?

the lesson of the roach tells me that 300 million years of evolution cannot guarantee a purpose for living. yet the feat of surviving requires stoic adaptation. since life is all i have... why not adapt?