i can sense the danger lights flickering yet again... i guess i'm on the threshold of exhausting myself yet again.
right after the exams (which i loathingly revised for) a jolly bunch of us were thrown into the frenetic business of planning the orientation camp. right after this camp, i had a couple of days before leaving for my 2 week trip through bangkok, macau, and hong kong. unlike the camp, i didn't really plan much of the itinery for this trip, and many a surprising turn characterised my first attempt at backpacking (including getting myself attached!) and before i could realise i'm back in singapore, it was foc follow-up, lined up right before the life in the spirit seminar. well, here i am after catching a bit of a breather for one day, but mm is having their retreat soon...
am i missing the point?
i know i have a pathological need to keep myself occupied with the business of entertaining others, sharing myself with people. but in all this outpouring, have i neglected those dearest to me? yes, i guess i enjoy self-deprecation a little too much for my own good, but even then i also realise - from the question 'where am i?' - that i have probably neglected my own needs as well.
and embedded in all this misdirection, is one gigantic scandal: what if my under-managed efforts to 'minister to others' are a sham? what if in my enthusiasm to reach out and impress/debate/entertain, i am actually nourishing a spirit of pride more than anything?
am i developing a complex?
even then... amidst all my self-doubting, the foc had been a resounding success - largely due to an amazing team of exuberant workers serving an unbelievable posse of freshmen; the overseas trip was nothing short of fantastic - a collection of wondrous experiences i can never forget; and LISS truly refueled my thirst for the spirit's gifts. i had learnt to cling less to my doubts and allow belief to blossom. i have had reminders aplenty that all is in good hands - God's mighty hands - and all i have to do is love as he has commanded.
so then... where is the love?
then let me boldly affirm this: love is where i am - I AM IN LOVE!!!
and now... all i need is to get these warning lights to dim. world cup is over, time for a disciplined sleep cycle.
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but after deconstruction, is there meaning left?
rosary
double inverted commas
"you who seek deconstruction,
should also find reconstruction;
or risk contracting solipsism."
"i think too much, therefore i am too much."
"between love & hate, i choose between."
"there's a feeling that i have no feeling."
"we're not too energetic; you're too cynical."
"our differences are so similar
that our similarities start differing."
"after being deceived often enough,
the truth begins to hurt."
"we believe in fate to justify our fate."
"life is played too seriously;
love, seriously underplayed."
"our very existence is blasphemous."
"behold - the wisdom of relaxation."
"war: we have all been raped."
"where's the truth in faith?"
"when you're numb, all you'd feel is existence."
"respect the circle of judgement - you're next."
"nobody can logically be non-judgemental."
"tolerance gets you by until acceptance takes over."
"control, alternate, delegate."
"being beautiful only attracts ugly attention."
"do you verstehen?"
"predictably, humans are unpredictable."
"the only certainty in history is uncertainty;
the only uncertainty in history is certainty."
"human nature does not naturally exist in humans."
"socialisation is power."
"tolerate a half-truth today and you'll
be faced with a whole-lie tomorrow."
"behind each smile is a reason to look so happy."
"what drives us deprives us."
"what if society is god, and god is a puppet?"
"is it moral for one to moralise?"
"intellectual property is an oxymoron:
true knowledge is free."
"intellectual superiority is an oxymoron:
the truly wise know their inferiorities."
"if you say i'm creating meaning
aren't you doing the same for me?"
"war is the bastard child of patriotism."
"doubt requires belief in the contrary;
atheism is faith in godlessness."
"you are free to choose, whether you like it or not."
"teenage: when everything revolves around you.
maturity is the only cure."
"while playing that new RPG, you'll miss out
on the RPG of your life."
"hope makes joy possible.
faith makes love infinite."
"the depths of human existence are unfathomable."
"no label ever quite describes everything
- except maybe this one."
"when you see the end, the present becomes closer."
"instrumental rationality has no real instrumentality."
"i am an impact on the great big reality of everything."
"aren't most things the effect of some cause?"
"what's on the edge?
sharpness - the last subatomic particle."
"maybe i am, just so that you too, can be."
"my instincts are no longer able to save me
from today's predators."
"i'm different everyday; what difference does it make?"
"let me expressly express this expressively:
i'm not impressed by impressive impressions."
"i can be good if i know what being good can be."
"we are culturally, socially, intellectually unique;
yet existential duplicates."
"the wise need few words."
"you are free when you spend your time wisely."
"you who can treasure are already wealthy;
you who are wealthy should practice treasuring."
"i'd rather assume i'm wrong than claim to be right."
"success sucks the life out of us.
make sure your success is worth your life."
"philosophy without application is dead.
life without philosophy is dead physics."
"but truly, what is friendship
which blossoms not?"
"love is worth coming home to."
"there is a sweetness in the air we breathe;
but who cares?"
"can i do naught but give myself to eternity?"
should also find reconstruction;
or risk contracting solipsism."
"i think too much, therefore i am too much."
"between love & hate, i choose between."
"there's a feeling that i have no feeling."
"we're not too energetic; you're too cynical."
"our differences are so similar
that our similarities start differing."
"after being deceived often enough,
the truth begins to hurt."
"we believe in fate to justify our fate."
"life is played too seriously;
love, seriously underplayed."
"our very existence is blasphemous."
"behold - the wisdom of relaxation."
"war: we have all been raped."
"where's the truth in faith?"
"when you're numb, all you'd feel is existence."
"respect the circle of judgement - you're next."
"nobody can logically be non-judgemental."
"tolerance gets you by until acceptance takes over."
"control, alternate, delegate."
"being beautiful only attracts ugly attention."
"do you verstehen?"
"predictably, humans are unpredictable."
"the only certainty in history is uncertainty;
the only uncertainty in history is certainty."
"human nature does not naturally exist in humans."
"socialisation is power."
"tolerate a half-truth today and you'll
be faced with a whole-lie tomorrow."
"behind each smile is a reason to look so happy."
"what drives us deprives us."
"what if society is god, and god is a puppet?"
"is it moral for one to moralise?"
"intellectual property is an oxymoron:
true knowledge is free."
"intellectual superiority is an oxymoron:
the truly wise know their inferiorities."
"if you say i'm creating meaning
aren't you doing the same for me?"
"war is the bastard child of patriotism."
"doubt requires belief in the contrary;
atheism is faith in godlessness."
"you are free to choose, whether you like it or not."
"teenage: when everything revolves around you.
maturity is the only cure."
"while playing that new RPG, you'll miss out
on the RPG of your life."
"hope makes joy possible.
faith makes love infinite."
"the depths of human existence are unfathomable."
"no label ever quite describes everything
- except maybe this one."
"when you see the end, the present becomes closer."
"instrumental rationality has no real instrumentality."
"i am an impact on the great big reality of everything."
"aren't most things the effect of some cause?"
"what's on the edge?
sharpness - the last subatomic particle."
"maybe i am, just so that you too, can be."
"my instincts are no longer able to save me
from today's predators."
"i'm different everyday; what difference does it make?"
"let me expressly express this expressively:
i'm not impressed by impressive impressions."
"i can be good if i know what being good can be."
"we are culturally, socially, intellectually unique;
yet existential duplicates."
"the wise need few words."
"you are free when you spend your time wisely."
"you who can treasure are already wealthy;
you who are wealthy should practice treasuring."
"i'd rather assume i'm wrong than claim to be right."
"success sucks the life out of us.
make sure your success is worth your life."
"philosophy without application is dead.
life without philosophy is dead physics."
"but truly, what is friendship
which blossoms not?"
"love is worth coming home to."
"there is a sweetness in the air we breathe;
but who cares?"
"can i do naught but give myself to eternity?"
"righteousness, when actually lived out,
exudes a mythical air - and that's the Truth."
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