reason for the reasons

i like looking at the essence of things.
i despise fixation with forms.

however.

the reasons i employ seem to be for convincing others.
myself, on the other hand, seem less convinced of them.

do i merely reason to throw others off?
do i use reason for their shock value?
am i employing reason or hypocrisy?
do i believe or do i simply lie?

dear Lord...
i need you to be the reason for my reasons
- nothing less would do.