presumptions

this morning i tried to call ryan, hoping to check if i should go straight to the matric fair or not. he didn't pick up. the first thought that came to my mind was: he's a guy - why doesn't he pick up the phone? perhaps he's driving and still on the way? then isn't he quite late?

all those questions are examples of presumption - presumed assumptions. our eager-to-blame minds often accords blame to people even in the absence of concrete proof.

if someone's phone does not get through, would you say that that person had purposely switched his/er phone off? perhaps you might even take it more personally and say s/he is switching the phone off just to avoid your call! but really, without further information, it is just as likely that his/er phone simply died either due to a flat battery or poor reception. that phone might even have been lost, stolen or spoilt - less likely, but still probable given the lack of concrete evidence! why is it that we automatically take things personally?

let's say a friend is late. perhaps s/he's stuck in a jam. perhaps s/he's got a wardrobe malfunction. perhaps s/he's got to attend to some family matter first. there could be an infinite amount of perhapses, and yet, more often than not we find ourselves condemning that friend for purposefully choosing to be late so that we have to wait for him/er. some friend we are! instead of being worried for the late friend's well-being, we are content to simmer in our private anguish.

how about when a sibling says something hurtful? silent treatment. no more sharing. immediate retaliation. do we know in that instant whether s/he actually meant to hurt us? or was it a mere slip of the tongue? does it have to snowball into a cold war?

presumptions, presumptions. i'm very tempted to link such reflex think-the-worst mentality to that arduous political philosophy of realism, but that wouldn't be very fair since i won't be bothering to write a full essay here. indeed, if i made such a negative claim without proof or even argument, then i'm merely making yet another presumption!

so - difficult as it may be - let's try a different kind of presumption. the positive kind. next time a car overtakes you with a crazy manouvre, give that driver the benefit of the doubt - you'd be doing that too if your boss was gonna fire you for being late that time.