obsessive-compulsive

did i recently announce that i have some mild form of OCD? i might have. it's really quite similar to what brian described on his blog... and i realise how mad it can get, like when i do some powerpoint slides i end up spending more than 5 hours in total? or like how i can rename each of my few thousand mp3s just so that they follow the same naming convention? or the classic eat-my-plate clean now extended to the scraps which fall off the plate?

but none is as jarring and disconcerting as my obsession with css. on the surface it seems a good thing, to be so concerned and active. however, i have my misgivings. yesterday i just kinda blew steph (and artz comm) off for the slight miscoordination regarding calling freshies for cg. i wasn't at their meeting so i didn't know what their plan was, but it simply seemed wrong/ambiguous. so i self-righteously "made comments" (if i could use a euphemism). the blundering forward of candle with regards to our handover is making me so jittery i even lost some sleep over it. indeed, the heart-in-mouth adrenaline rush i got while replying those nerve-racking emails stand in mock testimony to my obsessive excesses.

looking back, i have grown a little over the past year in css. however, i have also made countless mistakes... poking my ugly nose where it is not wanted, extending my ominous shadow over every conceivable css activity/role/thing-to-do. in my quest to become the ultimate administrator, have i not lost sight of service? look at the effort i am putting in - is it equal to the fruits i am seeing? have i gone off the straight end and landed myself in a perpetual state of nitpicking, criticising, and chastising other servants of the lord? what ever happened to patience, humility, appreciation, and gentleness?

forgive me, lord, for the empty promises of self-control, and for needlessly adding to your immense workload. forgive me, css, for the selfish narrowmindedness i have inflicted your poor members with. jesus, please rein me in with your sacred heart, let me love like you do. mother mary, pray for me that i may imitate your example.

now to find the litany of humility.