seclusion is never the antidote for any kind of remorse. when one's soul quietens, one either goes to a place of light to await ecstacy in joy of knowing God... or it goes to a dark place. a very dark place. and time does not heal such wounds... the darkness sears at the gaping flesh until it festers. "it is not good for man to be alone." Gen 2:18a
but how does a human "know" God? is that something any person can say with certainty? yes, we have the fruits. we have 5 CS's (from the Alpha programme). we have priests to confess our doubts to. we have... quite a bit of logic and reasoning to work things out really. but what is hardest to obtain is that certainty which comes from self-control (Gal 5:22). a certain discipline which, at some point, means giving up the freedom to sin, the freedom to eat that expressly forbidden fruit, the freedom to cave in to that emotion which courses through the flesh like a tsunami bent on knocking everything over.
order. the one simple value which has become so rare today. the one indulgence which could prove our similarity with the Creator. yet... order has become compulsive - a disorder in itself - or it has become antithetical to our existence: synonymous with bureaucracy, rationality to the point of irrationality, an iron cage of oppressive mania.
but chaos... cannot be good, can it? chaos is the mark of the hypocrite, the hopeless, the hedonistic, the hesitant, those filled with hubris, hatred, and hardness of heart. chaos cannot be ideal... for it has no type? and yet... chaos theory predicts well. there is randomness everywhere... and that has actually allowed things to work in some form of order!
God is not dogmatic - religion is. so Kevin Smith got a few details wrong (plenary indulgences are never obtained via simple actions: the penitent has to receive the sacraments of reconciliation and communion on top of it), but he captures quite a good angle with the eclectic mix really. the many fantastic/ludicrous questions (why do angels have no free will? how can these 2 get kicked out of heaven then? is God gendered?) cheapen the premise for bringing up good ones (can an abortionist still be a practicing Catholic? why are we here? is God mad?) but ultimately it strikes the fundamentalist hardest (NT God became nice because the angel of death resigned... Jesus had blood siblings... Catholics are really just hypocrites...) which leaves it with little wiggle room in reality, really. not that the incessant swearing or the awkward juxtapositioning of the sacred with the sexual matters.
many things are going on underneath even when the surface appears serenely calm. beneath the layered pretenses of words, meanings, and symbols, the soul struggles to eke out an existence. every action, every thought, every interconnectible morsel of non-nothingness... is evidence of so much more - if only we knew how to look, how to listen, how to interpret. yet we hardly even try. all we think of is the doing, not the being. and even then... we forget to thank God for the gift of existence.
we dream... of nothingness.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
what's it to you?
a man is drinking at a lonesome bar
his bruised knuckles are primed for more alcohol
his wife is at home, trembling, flipping through the phone book
his children lie in bed, fighting their nightmares
a phone rings at an attourney's office
his specialties are domestic abuse and divorce
his secretary is taking down notes for him
his daughter lies about homework and sleepovers
a foetus is growing in her abdomen
his father's favourite pastime is pornography
his mother, the attourney's daughter, is walking to an abortion clinic
his abortionist-to-be goes to church sometimes
a pastor is preaching about the meaning of life
his parishioners think the answer is meaningless
his cousin is staring at the water below the bridge
his brother, the attourney, is crying in his office
a soldier adjusts his rifle strap in Iran
his sergeant has just shot a bomb-strapped child
his sister, the secretary, is judging the wife-beater
his professor spends his saturdays sleeping with the attourney
a drug-pusher flicks his cigarette butt into the trash
his mortgage and debts forced him into the trade
his girlfriend, the abortionist, has liver cancer
his uncle, the soldier, hates all Muslims
a politician is calling the fire brigade
his home was set alight by the cigarette butt
his aunt is a discreet elections officer
his grandson is about to be aborted
the man drinking at the lonesome bar gets a call
his in-charge wants him to get into his fire rescue gear
his inebriated driving will run over the drug-pusher
his accident will be the topic for tonight's tabloid
a society is going through its motions
what's it to you?
his bruised knuckles are primed for more alcohol
his wife is at home, trembling, flipping through the phone book
his children lie in bed, fighting their nightmares
a phone rings at an attourney's office
his specialties are domestic abuse and divorce
his secretary is taking down notes for him
his daughter lies about homework and sleepovers
a foetus is growing in her abdomen
his father's favourite pastime is pornography
his mother, the attourney's daughter, is walking to an abortion clinic
his abortionist-to-be goes to church sometimes
a pastor is preaching about the meaning of life
his parishioners think the answer is meaningless
his cousin is staring at the water below the bridge
his brother, the attourney, is crying in his office
a soldier adjusts his rifle strap in Iran
his sergeant has just shot a bomb-strapped child
his sister, the secretary, is judging the wife-beater
his professor spends his saturdays sleeping with the attourney
a drug-pusher flicks his cigarette butt into the trash
his mortgage and debts forced him into the trade
his girlfriend, the abortionist, has liver cancer
his uncle, the soldier, hates all Muslims
a politician is calling the fire brigade
his home was set alight by the cigarette butt
his aunt is a discreet elections officer
his grandson is about to be aborted
the man drinking at the lonesome bar gets a call
his in-charge wants him to get into his fire rescue gear
his inebriated driving will run over the drug-pusher
his accident will be the topic for tonight's tabloid
a society is going through its motions
what's it to you?
Friday, January 09, 2009
on technicalities
just an hour earlier, i literally had one of the rides of my life... okay maybe i'm exaggerating a little, but i really hope i learn my lesson for life!
it's the end of a long day (especially so for me, since i've been having problems coaxing myself to stop doodling around and go sleep), and Alvin was kind enough to drive us halfway around Singapore and send 5 of us home after the MM picnic. unfortunately, the few of us from CAW banner painting had earlier on accidentally (or not!) drifted onto my pet topic of SG politics, and i was still in the mood for argument...
well, suffice to say, i learnt that i'm still not very good at listening to another person's argument. or to be specific, i may have heard some of it, but i end up dismissing someone else's argument using a completely unnecessary sardonic tone. i may like irony, but when i use it on others in this manner, i should be hit with a block of iron!
either ways, another point did surface: many arguments (incl. those that end up affirming major decisions in people's lives) are predicated on terms that have subtle double-meanings. these under-appreciated technicalities often make or break the argument; and often, also the camaraderie which may have existed prior to the point. if the argumenters agree on technical definitions, it can save plenty of empty arguing, which often degenerates into a form of quid pro quo ad hominem. context really is everything!
like today's gospel: Jesus heals a leper who simply falls face down in front of Him and begs Him to cure his leprosy. many an atheist might ask: why then does God not cure everyone? why does He cure a leper who begs Him, but leave thousands upon thousands of other sick and suffering people to their own devices? is it because He felt good when He was begged? of course not! some technical definitions include: it was not just any form of begging - the leper identified Jesus as the Son of God who could heal him if He chose to; Jesus knows the beggar's life, heart and mind thoroughly and He also knew how His healing him is in accordance with the will of God; leprosy was also not entirely a physically painful affliction, but pain from the cold ostracism of the Jewish community, which Jesus came to reform with His message of love. with these 3 points of context, the characters of both Jesus and the leper are fleshed out and their exchange no longer one of mere "begging" and "receiving", but one of "submission" and "mission".
in making an argument really work, instead of merely argument for argument's sake, one ought to be aware of technicalities, empathising with the opposing argumenter and listen to hear his/er point - not simply because one can pick up weak arguments and turn them inside out at his/er expense, but because basic respect is one simple presentation of the love which should motivate all arguments.
argue for the love of God! not for the love of arguing or winning!
it's the end of a long day (especially so for me, since i've been having problems coaxing myself to stop doodling around and go sleep), and Alvin was kind enough to drive us halfway around Singapore and send 5 of us home after the MM picnic. unfortunately, the few of us from CAW banner painting had earlier on accidentally (or not!) drifted onto my pet topic of SG politics, and i was still in the mood for argument...
well, suffice to say, i learnt that i'm still not very good at listening to another person's argument. or to be specific, i may have heard some of it, but i end up dismissing someone else's argument using a completely unnecessary sardonic tone. i may like irony, but when i use it on others in this manner, i should be hit with a block of iron!
either ways, another point did surface: many arguments (incl. those that end up affirming major decisions in people's lives) are predicated on terms that have subtle double-meanings. these under-appreciated technicalities often make or break the argument; and often, also the camaraderie which may have existed prior to the point. if the argumenters agree on technical definitions, it can save plenty of empty arguing, which often degenerates into a form of quid pro quo ad hominem. context really is everything!
like today's gospel: Jesus heals a leper who simply falls face down in front of Him and begs Him to cure his leprosy. many an atheist might ask: why then does God not cure everyone? why does He cure a leper who begs Him, but leave thousands upon thousands of other sick and suffering people to their own devices? is it because He felt good when He was begged? of course not! some technical definitions include: it was not just any form of begging - the leper identified Jesus as the Son of God who could heal him if He chose to; Jesus knows the beggar's life, heart and mind thoroughly and He also knew how His healing him is in accordance with the will of God; leprosy was also not entirely a physically painful affliction, but pain from the cold ostracism of the Jewish community, which Jesus came to reform with His message of love. with these 3 points of context, the characters of both Jesus and the leper are fleshed out and their exchange no longer one of mere "begging" and "receiving", but one of "submission" and "mission".
in making an argument really work, instead of merely argument for argument's sake, one ought to be aware of technicalities, empathising with the opposing argumenter and listen to hear his/er point - not simply because one can pick up weak arguments and turn them inside out at his/er expense, but because basic respect is one simple presentation of the love which should motivate all arguments.
argue for the love of God! not for the love of arguing or winning!
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
time to flee to God!
05 Jan - Monday after Epiphany of the Lord
"Come now, little man! Flee for a while from your tasks, hide yourself for a little space from the turmoil of your thoughts. Come, cast aside your burdensom cares, and put aside your laborious pursuits. For a little while, give your time to God, and rest in him for a little while. Enter into the chamber of your mind, shut out all the things save God and whatever may aid you in seeking God; and having barred the door of your chamber, seek him." - St. Anselm of Canterbury- Taken from "Quotes and Anecdotes - An Anthology for Preachers & Teachers" by Anthony P. Castle
what a timely reminder! but will my pile of lazy bones really get down to keeping quiet?
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
on the purpose of purpose
"Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten."
G. K. Chesterton
G. K. Chesterton
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
to restart the deconstruction...
it's been a horrid year as i tried to be more than i could be on my own... my mind is too confused, my will too weak, and my heart barely beats sometimes. i thought i had faith, i thought i was living my life as God wanted... but obviously, my thoughts are not His.
but nonetheless, this hollow waste of good time must come to an end: the new year beckons ahead. i must somehow find that resolve to respond to God's grace with real fervour. i must abandon my old ways of slipping into sin - hubris, hedonism, hypocrisy, hatred, hard-heartedness, hopelessness, hesitation. i have to own my will again and fight to live my life for God!
and the only way is through Christ - surrender, serenity, simplicity, sensibility, sincerity, satisfaction, submission. i shall repent, seek the Lord's forgiveness, forgive myself, and embrace the future, just as i once was accustomed to doing.
i shall restart the deconstruction, dedicating this humble struggle to Jesus, who reigns in my heart.
and why not? do my previous grievous sin make life too hard to bear? is it impossible to witness change now that i realise i have only sank deeper into darkness for the past year? the old adage comes to mind: 3 days to break a good habit; 3 years to kick a bad habit.
why the hopelessness? let's do a simple analysis. what kind of good habit takes only 3 days to break? it doesn't seem to make much sense if a really good habit - the kind from which one may derive satisfaction from - is so easily broken, no? it seems that this broken-in-3-days "good habit" is merely something prescribed by others which the person who broke it never really identified with fully... or that this person, in spite of enjoying the good habit, was tempted by the greater enjoyability of breaking it - s/he was unable to handle temptation. thus, i have identified at least two ways to understand why some people need only 3 days to break such so-called good habits; and thus possibly clarified two ways to prevent such a sad end.
the first part of the adage might still ring very true to many who have once walked in the light and yet then stumbled - not everyone would find it easy to identify with discipline-demanding good habits, even if one is convinced of the eventual rewards. temptation often proves too great! in such cases, community comes to my mind... it seems we might do better if we had someone to push us when we're slowing down, to steady us when we wobble, and to lend a hand if we hit the ground.
yet, the second part of the adage only serves to push us to the ground! the inherent hopelessness of this ending phrase condemns the sinner to a seemingly bottomless pit - three years is plenty of opportunity to stumble and fall yet again! who can endure this torturous struggle to meet the light again? who would dare to believe, what with society upending its end of the deal, instead lending a hand when we're slowing, pushing us when we're wobbling, and steadying us when we're stuck on the ground?
therefore, i deconstruct these sinister elements of society. not every adage was formed out of compassionate wisdom; not every norm out there rewards us when we conform to them. some have become twisted - whether by the forces in society which work towards evil, or by the weakness of the individual's solitary mind subtly rationalising its way to the floor - and these need to be exposed.
it takes a sinner to know another's struggle. i believe i have fallen through the depths of the valley of darkness on my pathway to God; now i continue to struggle humbly, always looking up at the peak which bathes in the light of the sun. let me share my uphill exertions in this new deconstruction.
but nonetheless, this hollow waste of good time must come to an end: the new year beckons ahead. i must somehow find that resolve to respond to God's grace with real fervour. i must abandon my old ways of slipping into sin - hubris, hedonism, hypocrisy, hatred, hard-heartedness, hopelessness, hesitation. i have to own my will again and fight to live my life for God!
and the only way is through Christ - surrender, serenity, simplicity, sensibility, sincerity, satisfaction, submission. i shall repent, seek the Lord's forgiveness, forgive myself, and embrace the future, just as i once was accustomed to doing.
i shall restart the deconstruction, dedicating this humble struggle to Jesus, who reigns in my heart.
and why not? do my previous grievous sin make life too hard to bear? is it impossible to witness change now that i realise i have only sank deeper into darkness for the past year? the old adage comes to mind: 3 days to break a good habit; 3 years to kick a bad habit.
why the hopelessness? let's do a simple analysis. what kind of good habit takes only 3 days to break? it doesn't seem to make much sense if a really good habit - the kind from which one may derive satisfaction from - is so easily broken, no? it seems that this broken-in-3-days "good habit" is merely something prescribed by others which the person who broke it never really identified with fully... or that this person, in spite of enjoying the good habit, was tempted by the greater enjoyability of breaking it - s/he was unable to handle temptation. thus, i have identified at least two ways to understand why some people need only 3 days to break such so-called good habits; and thus possibly clarified two ways to prevent such a sad end.
the first part of the adage might still ring very true to many who have once walked in the light and yet then stumbled - not everyone would find it easy to identify with discipline-demanding good habits, even if one is convinced of the eventual rewards. temptation often proves too great! in such cases, community comes to my mind... it seems we might do better if we had someone to push us when we're slowing down, to steady us when we wobble, and to lend a hand if we hit the ground.
yet, the second part of the adage only serves to push us to the ground! the inherent hopelessness of this ending phrase condemns the sinner to a seemingly bottomless pit - three years is plenty of opportunity to stumble and fall yet again! who can endure this torturous struggle to meet the light again? who would dare to believe, what with society upending its end of the deal, instead lending a hand when we're slowing, pushing us when we're wobbling, and steadying us when we're stuck on the ground?
therefore, i deconstruct these sinister elements of society. not every adage was formed out of compassionate wisdom; not every norm out there rewards us when we conform to them. some have become twisted - whether by the forces in society which work towards evil, or by the weakness of the individual's solitary mind subtly rationalising its way to the floor - and these need to be exposed.
it takes a sinner to know another's struggle. i believe i have fallen through the depths of the valley of darkness on my pathway to God; now i continue to struggle humbly, always looking up at the peak which bathes in the light of the sun. let me share my uphill exertions in this new deconstruction.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
on glory
the promise of glory!
the lure of eternity!
the meaning of purpose!
it swells the little man, until he bursts at his seams.
it consumes the proud man, finishing his existence.
it worries the humble man, upsetting his balance.
glory is only one vanity away from pride.
and i call that danger!
glory is only fitting for the prideless.
to godly beings who have no need for pride.
glory is only a vague shadow in the world of man.
for our language only does it injustice.
but what is glory?
it is that which accrues to the person one serves.
therefore, a master of many may seem glorious;
but only the Master of all truly deserves glory.
it is that which accrues to the person who has achieved perfection.
therefore, many men are subjects of poems and epics,
but only the Son of Man is the Good News.
it is that which accrues to the person radiating inspiration.
therefore, great men crowd the books of history;
but only the Holy Spirit fills Creation.
o humankind!
you who are confounded with limitation!
you who seek revelation with imperfect vigour!
you who are attracted to the masquerading glories of vanity!
will you see yourself with brutal honesty?
will you look upon your utter nakedness?
will you yield to the One who is Glory?
o sons of man!
look no longer in the clouds of confusion
look no longer in the crowds of endless chatter
look no further than your own hearts
and you will find that glory is to be given
to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit -
as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be -
and then you may finally have a foretaste
of the real glory in heaven.
the lure of eternity!
the meaning of purpose!
it swells the little man, until he bursts at his seams.
it consumes the proud man, finishing his existence.
it worries the humble man, upsetting his balance.
glory is only one vanity away from pride.
and i call that danger!
glory is only fitting for the prideless.
to godly beings who have no need for pride.
glory is only a vague shadow in the world of man.
for our language only does it injustice.
but what is glory?
it is that which accrues to the person one serves.
therefore, a master of many may seem glorious;
but only the Master of all truly deserves glory.
it is that which accrues to the person who has achieved perfection.
therefore, many men are subjects of poems and epics,
but only the Son of Man is the Good News.
it is that which accrues to the person radiating inspiration.
therefore, great men crowd the books of history;
but only the Holy Spirit fills Creation.
o humankind!
you who are confounded with limitation!
you who seek revelation with imperfect vigour!
you who are attracted to the masquerading glories of vanity!
will you see yourself with brutal honesty?
will you look upon your utter nakedness?
will you yield to the One who is Glory?
o sons of man!
look no longer in the clouds of confusion
look no longer in the crowds of endless chatter
look no further than your own hearts
and you will find that glory is to be given
to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit -
as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be -
and then you may finally have a foretaste
of the real glory in heaven.
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