epiphany #1

am i too afraid to love?

the chronicle of sin

just a strange idea about life, sin, and heaven.

imagine you are a Sim - as in the blockbuster simulation game The Sims - and you make decisions about your life in a huge simulated world. everything you do is then recorded in all observable dimensions so that the human player - who is like playing god, almost - gets to see in every detail.

imagine your life is currently being recorded as well. imagine that none of it escapes - not what you peeped at, what you secretly thought of, what you pretended to be, everything - and God Himself is watching you right now. yes, right now. and he can playback any portion of your life if He wants to. in fact, since any soul who is in heaven is in direct Communion with Him, they actually all get to see what you're doing. so the last time you shouted 'jesus christ!' or 'mother of god!' they actually heard it - and possibly responded as well. indeed, if you had cried for any loved one who has risen to heaven, they saw the heart-wrenching moments and shared your sorrow personally.

well. if God has such a perfect surveillance system with such an attentive response team, how come we don't hear of it? it's actually pretty simple. because we eventually will, anyway. this is probably one of the rules of life - which is really one big test. of course, i wouldn't dare say that the scenario i described above is 100% truth (i haven't met God face to face for corroboration yet, but whoa, i can't wait!) that is where discernment comes in.

just imagine that moment when your life on earth finally ends and that video clip of your life is played back in full to you before God meets you. how would you feel thru-out that sitting? would you be cringeing in shame most of the time? would you be proud of yourself? or would you actually be able to see that God was already there most of the time, even before you met Him face to face?

in this little paradigm, i feel life is little more than a chronicle of how we spend the time given us away from direct contact with God. whether it turns out to be a chronicle of sin is a choice that He has given us.

perhaps this idea isn't so strange after all?

scenario A

scenario A: the burning banquet

it is your wedding dinner. you decided it was more impt to invite all the people you know than to only invite a select few, thus the dinner is to be held in an old warehouse (with appropriate decor of course). everyone was having a good time - it seems having 50 tables of family and friends wasn't gonna be a headache after all! indeed, things were going so smoothly, you quickly realised you were almost drunk. no worries! a breath of fresh air would do. thus, you slipped out for a really short moment.

unfortunately, things took a turn.

the old warehouse no longer had any fire safety measures, and a fire broke out just as you exited. the flammable building effortlessly stoked the flames, and within seconds, the entire building was fiercely ablaze.

would you rush in to save any of your loved ones?
if you only had enough time to save one of them, who would it be? why?
remember: you managed to invite everyone you know and they all turned up - therefore the person you save may very well be your sole relation after the disaster.

recycling flyers!

when the thunder of innovation strikes: why not follow those irritating flyer-distributors, take as many from them as possible, and send it for recycling? not exactly a get-rich-quick scheme, but possibly more than all those poor distributors are likely to get. plus we get them off the streets, AND save the trees.

makes me feel like i should walk along orchard more often.

in other news, God freaked me out yet again. He said "greg, why are you persecuting me?" to me while i had a painful dump in the toilet. it seems like not looking after your body (the temple of God now) is kind of a sin too? the CCC gives pertinent advice.

orientation begins soon... and i can't wait!

a time to share

some catholic links to brighten your day... and liven your faith:

The Holy See
- official site of the vatican, a link every catholic ought to have
http://www.vatican.va/archive/catechism/ccc_toc.htm
- full official text of the Catechism of the Catholic Church
CCC Search Engine
- separate page for easier navigation of the CCC
The Catholic Encyclopedia
- mountains of info on all things catholic
Papal Encyclicals
- helpful guide to the writings of the holy fathers
Catholic Answers
- site for doubters: recommend to all protestants!
Early Christian Writings
- repository of christian writings early in the church's history
Wikipedia: Doctor of the Church
- good starting point for exploring the history of catholicism
Wikipedia: Cultural and historical background of Jesus
- very long article on Jesus and his historical context
Fatima
- detailing the apparition of Mary at Fatima
Alexandrina
- about a woman who survived on the Eucharist for 13 years
Eucharistic Miracles
- affirming the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist
Oxygen
- daily sharings and liturgy by members of CSS!
Veritas
- home of the Catholic Archdiocese of Singapore
Bible Gateway
- online searchable bible (many versions as well...)

"With God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26

tethering

i am tethering on the end of a thread so thin only god knows why it hasn't snapped yet and dropped me into the gaping abyss lurking right underneath me, awaiting my next mistake - so it may swallow me and my entire state of hollow consternation in one schmaltzy smirk of sadistic satisfaction.

i may yet scream a silent burst of profuse frustration but not get a hoarse throat; i may yet balefully hurl my face into solid concrete but be safe from impact wounds; and i may yet conjure nonchalant aneurysms but still smile warmly in the morning sun.

i then realise that i truly and simply am inconsequential, that the world is not mine nor does it owe me centre-stage.

make me a servant, even if i tether on thin thread.

the dream

someone: are you happy?
me: hmm? yeah, i should guess so.
someone: how happy are you?
me: erm... moderately?
someone: then what margin remains between your current happiness and true, complete happiness is what you need to wake up for.

me wakes up. and goes, "whoa..."